Estrogen.

There aren't a lot of women in martial arts, though they're slowly creeping in, at least at my school.

So imagine my delight and surprise to be sitting on the mat after a good roll and having a chat with my training partners.  Two other women, myself, and a young, athletic male.  I cracked up on the inside because for once the tables were turned! I wonder if it dawned on him that he was the only male present - when we started discussing hairstyles and cuts that work for grappling.  For the record, he nodded very sagely, in the way that folks do when they have no idea what folks are talking about or how to contribute. He looked very uncomfortable and darty-eyed, but I was very impressed that he didn't scuttle away when he realized he was surrounded by estrogen. I found it hilarious.

So often I find myself surrounded by guys.  Which is fine - I expect that and enjoy that and I think its awesome that we're able to train very closely together and navigate the weird things that come up between genders. But I almost never find myself surrounded by women.  It was a delightful moment.  

I have pointy knees and bad aim.

Krav Maga:

First half of class was working on lunging elbow strikes, knees, and front kicks. All lunging because, hell, I think that's what krav does is lunge forward. No reason to back out, right? :)

Elbow strikes - I'm okay if the target is the right height (my shoulders-to-head level) - but I'm short - working with a taller partner I wasn't able to get enough power behind the strike when hitting higher. Will have to work on targetting and striking to higher targets - one day.  This time, I just had them lower it. I'm much stronger on my right side, though, so I focused on striking from the left. 

Straight in front of me is often my attacker's chest....

Knees - figured out a big thing with kneeing.  I've been doing it much as I would any technique in karate - pull my knee straight upwards as I lunge.  As if I were loading for a front kick.  Today I played with it (couldn't figure out why I didn't have any power) and realized that if I come from the hip more - angle my leg as if I were a dog lifting to piss while I lunge, instead of straight in front of me - I'm able to have more power. Plus, I end up deeper into them, and so am more able to clinch and continue for combatives.  Was really nice to figure that out. 

Front kicks - I can't figure out how to krav-kick.  I'm kicking a karate kick - a snap kick.  I'm trying to make that a thrust kick, but it's a funny transition.  Just started to play with it when we moved to something else.  I just need to make it more of a push without leaning away from it, as I would in karate.  Need to pay attention to how the instructor does it.

Combatives (the second half of class) was all defense to a blow from above with a blunt object.  Everyone ended up with the wrong end of a bat on their head at least once (they were padded bats, but everyone ended up getting whacked by the hard part at the end). Which left everyone a bit grumpy.  But the drill was fairly simple - lunging into the opening at their shoulder, straight-armed, while punching, trap the arm, knee - if they don't drop the bat, pull back the arm and pop the hips (hard to describe) to get the bat away.  It was actually one of the more instinctive ones , for me - except that I was leaving out the whole punch thing and just going for the clinch.  :-/  But... I'm super conscious of the fact that I don't want wounded training partners, or no one will want to train with me.  So I'm wary of any kind of strike.

Grappling:

Meh.  Not the most intensive class - almost everyone was a beginner - which is fine, except they were working as a group on basic throws and break-falls. There were only three of us not-quite-beginners, so we rotated out.  And both of them seemed pretty wiped from krav and pretty bonked from the bats.  Am not used to being the one with all the energy.  Ah, wait - no, I lie.  I am.  Not sure where my energy comes from, but I've rarely been too tired to continue.  I wonder sometimes if that means I'm not working as hard as the others, or if it just has something to do with the fact that I'm superman and don't feel pain & fatigue like others tend to.  Or just my personality? Because I'm absolutely exhausted all the time - but that doesn't stop me from having enough energy for class[es] and then some.

But anyway - moping aside.  We worked on a few throws - whatever we wanted to.  And then some sweeps - had trouble with a (I'm bad with names so I give descriptions) switch-up inside hooking reap against someone much taller than me.  He'd just pull up his leg and stand on one leg like a bird - while I tried with all my strength to hook him, drive him down, whatever.  I couldn't get enough momentum to push him to the ground - whenever I went to reap, I'd lose what momentum I had.  What I ended up having to do was reap the leg really high up (too high and I was wrapping my leg around his - which also didn't work).  I tried to do it as a sweep to the ankle, but also wasn't having enough oomph to get him to the ground.  I don't like that reap, cause I land in his guard.

Actually, I probably don't like it because its hard, which is why I don't like most of them.  Honesty.

Tried to practice a variation of it and landed knee-to-groin on my poor partner.  Ugh.  I'm leaving a trail of those behind - do not want to get a reputation for taking out folks via pointy knees to sensitive-groin.  Need to learn to control my momentum as I land (unless I'm fighting to maimkill) and keep aware of where my pointy bits - knees & elbows - are. Because I've hit folks pretty badly in the groin a handful of times now - not always my fault, mind - and it feels awful. On my end too. At least this partner was female, so the groin strike hurt, but it didn't take her out for the day/week/month.

Ground work was mostly playing around with the armbar that Ronda Rousey won with last week against Liz Carmouche. Mostly because everyone had watched it together and had been itching to try it. :) I see why she likes it.  I like arm bars - and I'd like to get better at getting them.  I've got pretty powerful legs [relatively speaking] - that's the only advantage I really have - so arm-bars make the most sense.  I have trouble Americana-ing anyone, so simple, straight-arm arm-bars are kind of my focus right now.  Not to mention that Ronda Rousey is a pretty epic motivator - and demonstrator - of their effectiveness.  But I'm still on the basics.  I'm a long time away from moving onto anything else.

Americana
Sarah cannot get this on anyone who isn't patiently letting her...

We didn't do any free-rolling, though.  Too many beginners, maybe? *sadface*  I was hoping to roll with the tall fellow I couldn't reap - mostly because he's deadly, and its good to roll with folks who are deadly.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu:

Classes. Start. Wednesday. *insert exited jumps and girly squeals*  I'm looking forward to this. I'm not sure how different it'll be from judo or grappling - particularly since our school isn't too rule-focused (with regard to This is Judo vs That is JuJitsu) - but I'll be interested to see. And curious about how the new BJJ instructor teaches.  He's given me advice in class before, and I can tell he's a good teacher and knows a lot, so I'm excited. Mostly excited because that means 2 extra hours of mat time a week.
Perfect timing - my Wednesday karate class is shutting down, which left my Wednesday evenings distressingly free.No more - its a Jiu-Jitsu Partaaay!

Funny - I've been feeling like a bit of a plunker, because I've been spending lots of time reading BJJ blogs - and I don't study BJJ (until now). But I study judo and grappling, and there is a lot of overlap.  And I couldn't find any good judo blogs - and the judo blogs weren't about the ground game either.  So BJJ has been my reading pleasure.  There are lots of great BJJ bloggers out there. Who've given me lots to think about. Unfortunately, the terminology is a little different in BJJ (not that I'm good with terminology anyway) so I've been using my imagination half the time when they're talking about chokes or submissions I've never heard of.  It'll be nice to know what they're talking about.

Sometimes, hope floats.

Saturday class was excellent. 

Much less scary than I expected.  I'm not sure why I always feel like I won't be able to keep up - and I don't know what I'm doing - and I'll embarrass myself - and, and, and - you know, until I come around to see that - wait, yes - I do know what I'm doing (most of the time) and I can keep up, and no one is watching me anyway so how can I be embarrassed?

Oh, yea, and no one expects me to be perfect.

Except, well, maybe me.  Because I'm pretty damn sure its hiding in there, and every mistake is just evidence of how close I got to being perfect.  Yes.

Was a pretty straightforward class - worked on basics first.  I got confus-ed about how they wanted me to side-kick, but otherwise just worked on making sure I'm doing the basics as precisely as possible and making sure I relax - because gogogoI'mpanicking nerve-biting really really ruins any hope for good technique.  On Friday my Sensei and I were talking: there are two folks to be afraid of - white belts, and brown belts.  White belts, because they have no idea what they're doing, and are likely to hurt you because of it, and brown belts, because they feel like they have something to prove and are trying reallyhardmustgo120%ALLTEHTIMEE.  I'm making an effort to make sure I'm not behaving like a brown belt.  Occasionally - particularly when I get very focused - I can be gung-ho mustgetthisRIGHTNOW kind of determined, tense... and a bit out of control.

And I'm often told that I'm accidentally hurting folk.  Which isn't, ever, what I'm trying to do.  I just tend to be fairly pain-free, so I'm still [always] trying to figure out what hurts everyone else (because it probably won't hurt me).  Its a control thing, but a really weird type of control.

After basics, we spent a good chunk of time working on kata.  I didn't have any huge brain-farts (wohohoo!), and the Shihan helped correct me on a few of the finer details.  I like kata.  Looking for technical perfection is always a good focus - but I'm reaching the point where I need to start focusing on strength, power, timing, speed - other things as well. 

Then worked on sparring techniques.  Started off paired with a black-belt woman, but then switched and worked with a young teen black belt boy.  We worked this punch-block-punch-sweep-punchpunch combo, with the defense of block-punch-block-step-blockblock-backkick.  For some reason, I kept getting tripped up on the back kick - wanted to do a rear leg hook kick.  I still don't know where I was getting screwed up.

The Shihan said something about how I needed to be faster even though it was "your first day back."  It seems like he doesn't know that I've been working at the other [his other, though he doesn't teach there] location for the last few months?  Which - hey, that's perfect for me.  Just means that I'm given a bit of a pass for my mistakes.  I, for one, would be very impressed if I'd taken a few months off and come back as strong as I did today.  Ah - well, hopefully I don't LOOK like I've taken months off. :)

But I need the pass - we seldom work on combos like this at the LittleDojo.  We very seldom do free sparring. And my OldDojo did very very little of either.

I do think the krav is helping my sparring.  Even while it makes it difficult, because it changes my reactions, and gives me options that karate wouldn't teach me.  Which is great, in self defense - but Doing The Drill is something else.  But it is teaching me how to react.  Quickly, and usually appropriately.  It is teaching me to relax, to process, and to move.  Karate is doing that too - but more slowly, so I'm noticing the influence of krav more.

It was really hard for me to watch the ju-jitsu class start their warm up.

Ju-jitsu is immediately after karate at this school.  In the spring/summer/fall (late April to mid-October), I bike out there, so I can stay for ju-jitsu as well.  Since I'm carpooling with a family who takes only karate, I can't stay for ju-jitsu.  Yet.  But, gah - was all green with envy.  I'm ready for spring already!

I only went to this jujitsu class for a few months before the snow fell last year.  I'd been doing judo for a few months already, but was pretty new to both.  I'm really eager to see how I've changed, and what I've learned - when I get to roll with these folks again.  The classes are similar, but also very different.  Jujitsu stands differently, doesn't focus on throws at all and seems to roll faster and sometimes a bit more brutally than judo does.  Though my judo school isn't exactly typical - they teach us from a broad spectrum of ground and standing techniques - they just preface some techniques as 'this isn't allowed in judo, but is allowed in jujitsu.' Because Alaska is so small, sometimes our folks compete in jujitsu tournaments and such - there is such a small pool of folks it makes sense to combine. So we learn the rules for both.

Unfortunately, I don't compete - because the pool for women is abysmal, and so the competitions rarely have an adult women's division. Pretty sure it'd never have weight classes.  Though... I've asked a few of the girls at my school, who have similar time-in-training, if they'd be willing to enter the next competition with me.  We'd just be rolling with each other, and we do it all the time, but it'd be interesting to do that When It Counts. 

In a few weeks, I'll be able to add another jujitsu class to my agenda.  My judo school has brought on a jujitsu teacher because, well - he has fun new things to teach us. I know some folks don't approve of training with different instructors, but I don't think mine care.  Or, well, I know my jujitsu teacher doesn't care that I take judo, and now my judo teacher has brought on a jujitsu teacher to add to what his school is teaching me. And he adamantly encourages learning as much as you can, from wherever you can. *shrugs*  I just want to roll as much as I can.  I like karate and krav - a lot.  But I really love judo/jujitsu.

I think its that you're fighting with fully resisting opponents.  There's no playing around.  You're not trying to hurt each other, but you're not punching at each other either.  Though my karate school, at least, is of the two-inches-in contact rule (at least for upper ranks) or controlled full contact.  Was a problem when I went to other schools and realized they don't make contact.  Oops?  Only takes a few times of hitting someone and getting looks before you realize you've broken a taboo.

I'm ready for the week ahead.

I hurt my ankle last weekend, and am hoping to ski again tomorrow - will have to come up with some better-fitting boots, because I was humiliated when my rolling partner grabbed onto my oozing ankle during a pass.  I couldn't find my tape.  Next time - I need to not be too shy to say - don't grab my ankle, you're going to put your hand straight on a sore.  Eep - etiquette 101!

Plan for the week:

Sunday: maybe skiing in the afternoon - but I need to pack to move
Monday: Krav Maga and No-Gi
         Goals for monkrav: focused contact, specific targets, controlled attacks
         Goals for no-gi: sweeps, sweep, sweeps
Tuesday: Karate
          Goals for tueskarate: putting power in techniques, using teacher-voice with kiddlings
Wednesday: Karate
          Goals for wedkarate: putting power in techniques, deeper stances, controlled turns, pick up speed
Thursday: Judo
          Goals for judo: countering throws in standing, fully pulling my throws, sweepssweepsweeps, armbars
Friday: Krav Maga and Open Mat
          Goals for frikrav: focused contact, specific targets, controlled attacks
          Goals for openmat:  sweeps, no-gi takedowns
Saturday: Karate
          Goals for satkarate: faster, more relaxed, more aware

Ongoing goals: 
increasing # of full pushups (no more girl-pushups during warmup!), being more aware of partners and power, reeelaaaxxxing, eating 1hour before training and again 10/15min before training.

I might have an ego, but I know I'm an idiot.

Definitely wasn't trainwrecking tonight. Not that I didn't screw up - lots - but it wasn't a train-wreck.

Got to karate forty minutes early. Such is the life when you're depending on public transport.  God, won't spring come?

But - the advantage is that I get there really early, so I've got lots of extra time to practice - with my friendly Sensei, full mirrors, and wooden floors as benefit.

Before class I focused on kicks. Lots and lots of kicks. Kicks I haven't drilled in a long time, because this school doesn't focus on them. Weird kicks. Combination kicks. Trying to get my flow right - some kicks naturally tie to others - roundhouse kicks, for instance, lend themselves to spinning back kicks. Front kicks and hook kicks go well together. And so on. Not that I have much occasion for stringing kicks together - its really just about figuring out how to string techniques together in a realistic and practical way. Noticing the rotation of your body & hips and considering whether the next technique you use is one that is natural - goes with the rotation - or unnatural - you're fighting to get your body to change direction, rotation, and focus. Its kind of fun, because I haven't done it in so long and it reminds me of my home dojo (in Florida).

Class was, as expected - kata.  Forms.  I haven't gotten to work on the advanced kata since Sensei D. left in January, since the other classes I attend are mostly kids and usually no other upper ranks or black belts.  I'm worried that Saturday - returning to the Big Dojo - we'll work on forms, and I'll come to find how much I've forgotten. 

I haven't forgotten much, and most of my hangups are [still] related to transitioning between karate styles - my old school did it one way, this school does it completely different. But I am making a real, concentrated effort to make sure I'm doing it their way, not questioning it, not fighting it, not letting myself fall back into the way I was 'raised,' as it were, in karate.

I really hate changing things. A lot of the time, I catch myself thinking that I like my old way better. It isn't any better, I know that.  It is just different. It is just hard to change, and I've been doing these katas, techniques, movements, stances in this way for years, so I feel much more comfortable doing it the old way. It is easy to get frustrated - I had no idea changing schools was such a difference. But it is, at least between these two styles.  The fundamentals, the most basic things, even - my old school, for instance, taught that all blocks are bladed - half-facing.  At this school they are all straight-on. It is a fundamental, significant difference that changes everything about how I move. And so I have to break my muscle memory AND my former instructors countering-voice all the time.  I'm managing, and getting better at it - but I had no idea I'd have so much trouble with it.  No wonder folks are wary of new black belts coming from other schools - think they'll come in with ego, and not want to learn a new way of doing things!  I'm not sure about the rest - but I know it isn't ego (...am an idiot and I know I'm an idiot...) or not wanting to learn their way. I'm just struggling and trying to hide that I'm struggling. Maybe that is ego?

But yes.  Tomorrow, all willing, I'll be sweating and grunting along with the rest of the BigDojo.  And cowering away from the Shihan, hoping he doesn't notice me. And possibly forgetting how to punch or, alternatively, punching far harder than necessary.  But that's a problem for another night.

Tonight I'm happy, because I reviewed Heian/Pinan 1-5, Tekki/Naihanchi 1 & 2, Bassai [Dai], Kanku Dai, and Mikiyo - and didn't struggle through any of them.  And because even though I have pathologically screwy balance, I had a nice kicking session. But mostly because I sweated, and grunted, and got frustrated with a group of friends who laughed at my frustration, handed me inspiration, and sweated and grunted too.

Spazzing

Last night was Judo.  And I suck.

Well, I think the proper, colloquial term is 'trainwreck' - which is so very appropriate I'd like to have it stitched on my gi.

I'm getting better.  Actually, I feel like I'm in one of those rare surges of improvement, when things are starting to click like mad, synopses are firing, and all of a sudden I'm rolling and I can see what to do.  I might not actually be able to, but I can see the path.  Its something. 

Its taken a long time to get there.  I've been training judo for almost a year.  Am trying to keep perspective: judo is hard, I learn particularly slow, and even the top folks have trainwrecks on a regular basis.  And, sadly enough, though I've been doing karate for about eight years - I still feel like an idiot most of the time there.  So I suspect the idiot-trainwreck syndrome is likely to stick for quite awhile yet in the martial arts that I'm even newer to. 

That's okay.  I imagine I'll stick with it until I'm too broken not to.

So last night, judo:

Spent the first half of the class, per normal, working on throws. That thing where we get in a line and everyone throws everyone else once each, until everyone has been thrown by everyone else.  Which is a marvelous drill, because you get to watch all the different throws that folks can pull out of their pockets.  I was pleased to find that - though I still don't know what the throws I'm doing are called (I'm horrible with the Japanese) - I remember more of them than I thought I did.  I didn't do a different throw each time, but nearly.

And, since a girl grows on feedback, I was v. pleased to receive both praise & pointers. 

Am trying to think more about what throws work for what type of partner.  In general, I'm going to be shorter than everyone else.  I think I am shorter than near about - no, wait, am shorter than everyone else in class.  One of the things my instructor mentioned was: Sarah, you need to DROP every throw.  It'll be really interesting to try.  Being so low to the ground, it's a lot harder for those tall folks to fight if I drop, and, as he said "suddenly, their head is a lot closer to the ground than they intended."  I really like hip throws - heck, they're fun - but I already know that I'd have to be really fast, on target, and powerful to make them work with almost anyone I'm playing with.  Because if I'm slow, I've just presented my back to a guy who is liable to take the opportunity and crush me.  If I'm not fast enough, or on target enough, there is no way I'll be able to leverage a larger opponent.  Sad as it is, I'm thinking that, practically, I'm better off with sweeps and counter throws.  I have a lot of fun when I wait for someone to try to throw me, and take advantage of their motion. I'm still too much of a trainwreck to be able to throw by my own kizuuush.

In grappling we worked on counters to someone trying to pass from guard to side-control.  Knee-to-belly-like.  Which is delightful, because I've had enough knees in my belly and (a) its really uncomfortable & almost painful and (b) that's one of those moments when I realize how much size, weight, and strength others have on me, so I tend to feel pretty damn helpless.  But no more!

Now I have the option to do a fairly complicated block with my knee, grab, post, and roll.  Which is, you know, something.  And, with enough practice, might actually work.  Though frankly - my ability to catch their ankle as their knee is sliding across my belly - seems pretty unlikely.  An end goal, really.  More interesting to me was the idea that if I can get control of someone's ankle - however and whyever - I can roll with it and get my own side-control.  With bonus nah-nah-nah-I'vegotyourleg.  Which is always nice.

Randori - free-rolling - was mostly an exercise in futility.  Rolled first with StrongMan.  Who I'd been partnered with all class, and has a demonstrated ability to crush everyone in class, including the instructors.  Which is - ya know - awesome.  Except for when you're the one being crushed.  Or, well - that's pretty awesome too, all said, but still.  I'm not sure I was able to manage a single thing.  He has this frustrating tendency to keep his arms locked and extended during standing, which makes it pretty impossible to get in for a throw. Sometimes I just want to scream "loosen up!!" Its working for him, which is even more frustrating - he has enough strength that he can strong-arm almost anyone to the ground (push me, you know you want to!) - but its a lot easier for both of us if he relaxes and flows into a throw, rather than yanking and jerking and being all angular and strong.

It probably bothers me because I'm a girl, so I'm all about flowing into throws - there's no way I can strong-arm anyone.  I sometimes have to (or, well, want to) remind StrongMan that just because he can pick me up and slam me down doesn't mean he should - or that it is an actual technique.  Sometimes I'm glad I'm not a guy - I think guys, especially working with women, have to learn how not to use their strength. Or, we hope they do. They don't automatically go for technique - their instinct is often yank!pull!  Because otherwise, it gets kind of ridiculous.  Yes, you can crush me(/carry me/yank me/drag me/push me/pick me up) - no, that isn't judo - unless it actually is judo - then, by all means, crush away.

This time - well, when we were on the ground - it was technique plus strength, so I was totally on board.  To get my ass kicked. Over and over and over again. I'm teaching myself to tap when I'm well & truly trapped - even if it doesn't hurt, or I can breathe.  In large part because joint locks don't cause me pain (I'm a freak) but that doesn't mean it isn't working.  I might be overthinking things - I'm not as easygoing about it as I was even a few weeks ago, but that's probably also my mood.  Am more moody & subdued right now than in general, and so that comes out in things like my rolling.  So I'm not moving as freely as I usually do, and I'm giving up sooner, and getting frustrated faster.  Don't like it - am waiting for my mood to swing back to normal.

Also rolled with a newer woman - she's been there for only a month or two, I think, so she's still trying to figure out how free-rolling works.  Hell, so am I - and I only just got to where things are starting to make sense.  So our roll was really a head-on train collision.  You know, where no one is managing anything at all because its all spazzball!! and we're all collide!  Haha.  I was trying not to dominate - the last time we rolled, it was one of the first times I had a click! moment and was seeing all these pathways, so it was all Sarah!chokes, Sarah!bars, Sarah!sweeps - which isn't very helpful for her as she tries to learn.  But in my effort to not dominate - backing off & being compliant - she didn't manage to get anything, and I didn't manage to let her figure anything out.  I wanted to say slow down! because we end up in these crazy positions when folks are all gottadoSOMETHINGhelllp! rather than hmm, what do I do now? Which is the attitude I'm working really hard to grow.  And only occasionally manage.

Tonight, karate:

Friday nights I have the option of either going to Krav Maga and open mat (for judo/krav/grappling), or karate.  Different schools.  I'm a huge fan of open mat - it lets me work on whatever I need to work on, at my own speed.  And krav is a good experience all around.  But tonight I'm hitting karate instead.  My karate instructor (this one) has been out of town for a month and just got back.  Wednesdays and Fridays are usually one-on-one practices.  Occasionally, someone else joins us, but usually its just the two of us.  We have a plan to work on advanced kata tonight, and I'm working on changing things with my stances (and keeping krav out of how I kick).

Mostly I want to go tonight because I'm nervous about Saturday.  I haven't trained at my Shihan's school since the snow fell - October or early November.  The school is out of town and my bike just can't take the snow or the cold.  I don't drive.  But one of the folks that trains in town with me on Tuesdays offered to carpool me out there on Saturdays. And I accepted, of course - the Big Dojo has fifteen times as many people and the HeadHancho teaching, so it is definitely the place to go, when you can. But it makes me nervous enough to have belly-gripes.  I've only been at this school since June.  When I came, they asked me to still wear my rank - my black belt - but I've always felt like a fraud.  I'm not ranked in their style, and I'm still trying to figure out how to switch to their style.  Besides that I generally feel like an idiot period.

But their Shihan (now, I guess, my Shihan too) is really intimidating, and I'd really like to make a good impression - show him that these last few months of working at the other dojo, with his other teachers, has resulted in a New!&Improved! Sarah.  I want to make my instructors - like the Sensei I've been working one-on-one with since June - look good.

In all likelihood, as soon as the Shihan looks at me, I'll spazz out, panic, and forget how to punch.  But still.

So tonight I'm headed to karate to see if I can grow some confidence for tomorrow.