Sometimes, hope floats.

Saturday class was excellent. 

Much less scary than I expected.  I'm not sure why I always feel like I won't be able to keep up - and I don't know what I'm doing - and I'll embarrass myself - and, and, and - you know, until I come around to see that - wait, yes - I do know what I'm doing (most of the time) and I can keep up, and no one is watching me anyway so how can I be embarrassed?

Oh, yea, and no one expects me to be perfect.

Except, well, maybe me.  Because I'm pretty damn sure its hiding in there, and every mistake is just evidence of how close I got to being perfect.  Yes.

Was a pretty straightforward class - worked on basics first.  I got confus-ed about how they wanted me to side-kick, but otherwise just worked on making sure I'm doing the basics as precisely as possible and making sure I relax - because gogogoI'mpanicking nerve-biting really really ruins any hope for good technique.  On Friday my Sensei and I were talking: there are two folks to be afraid of - white belts, and brown belts.  White belts, because they have no idea what they're doing, and are likely to hurt you because of it, and brown belts, because they feel like they have something to prove and are trying reallyhardmustgo120%ALLTEHTIMEE.  I'm making an effort to make sure I'm not behaving like a brown belt.  Occasionally - particularly when I get very focused - I can be gung-ho mustgetthisRIGHTNOW kind of determined, tense... and a bit out of control.

And I'm often told that I'm accidentally hurting folk.  Which isn't, ever, what I'm trying to do.  I just tend to be fairly pain-free, so I'm still [always] trying to figure out what hurts everyone else (because it probably won't hurt me).  Its a control thing, but a really weird type of control.

After basics, we spent a good chunk of time working on kata.  I didn't have any huge brain-farts (wohohoo!), and the Shihan helped correct me on a few of the finer details.  I like kata.  Looking for technical perfection is always a good focus - but I'm reaching the point where I need to start focusing on strength, power, timing, speed - other things as well. 

Then worked on sparring techniques.  Started off paired with a black-belt woman, but then switched and worked with a young teen black belt boy.  We worked this punch-block-punch-sweep-punchpunch combo, with the defense of block-punch-block-step-blockblock-backkick.  For some reason, I kept getting tripped up on the back kick - wanted to do a rear leg hook kick.  I still don't know where I was getting screwed up.

The Shihan said something about how I needed to be faster even though it was "your first day back."  It seems like he doesn't know that I've been working at the other [his other, though he doesn't teach there] location for the last few months?  Which - hey, that's perfect for me.  Just means that I'm given a bit of a pass for my mistakes.  I, for one, would be very impressed if I'd taken a few months off and come back as strong as I did today.  Ah - well, hopefully I don't LOOK like I've taken months off. :)

But I need the pass - we seldom work on combos like this at the LittleDojo.  We very seldom do free sparring. And my OldDojo did very very little of either.

I do think the krav is helping my sparring.  Even while it makes it difficult, because it changes my reactions, and gives me options that karate wouldn't teach me.  Which is great, in self defense - but Doing The Drill is something else.  But it is teaching me how to react.  Quickly, and usually appropriately.  It is teaching me to relax, to process, and to move.  Karate is doing that too - but more slowly, so I'm noticing the influence of krav more.

It was really hard for me to watch the ju-jitsu class start their warm up.

Ju-jitsu is immediately after karate at this school.  In the spring/summer/fall (late April to mid-October), I bike out there, so I can stay for ju-jitsu as well.  Since I'm carpooling with a family who takes only karate, I can't stay for ju-jitsu.  Yet.  But, gah - was all green with envy.  I'm ready for spring already!

I only went to this jujitsu class for a few months before the snow fell last year.  I'd been doing judo for a few months already, but was pretty new to both.  I'm really eager to see how I've changed, and what I've learned - when I get to roll with these folks again.  The classes are similar, but also very different.  Jujitsu stands differently, doesn't focus on throws at all and seems to roll faster and sometimes a bit more brutally than judo does.  Though my judo school isn't exactly typical - they teach us from a broad spectrum of ground and standing techniques - they just preface some techniques as 'this isn't allowed in judo, but is allowed in jujitsu.' Because Alaska is so small, sometimes our folks compete in jujitsu tournaments and such - there is such a small pool of folks it makes sense to combine. So we learn the rules for both.

Unfortunately, I don't compete - because the pool for women is abysmal, and so the competitions rarely have an adult women's division. Pretty sure it'd never have weight classes.  Though... I've asked a few of the girls at my school, who have similar time-in-training, if they'd be willing to enter the next competition with me.  We'd just be rolling with each other, and we do it all the time, but it'd be interesting to do that When It Counts. 

In a few weeks, I'll be able to add another jujitsu class to my agenda.  My judo school has brought on a jujitsu teacher because, well - he has fun new things to teach us. I know some folks don't approve of training with different instructors, but I don't think mine care.  Or, well, I know my jujitsu teacher doesn't care that I take judo, and now my judo teacher has brought on a jujitsu teacher to add to what his school is teaching me. And he adamantly encourages learning as much as you can, from wherever you can. *shrugs*  I just want to roll as much as I can.  I like karate and krav - a lot.  But I really love judo/jujitsu.

I think its that you're fighting with fully resisting opponents.  There's no playing around.  You're not trying to hurt each other, but you're not punching at each other either.  Though my karate school, at least, is of the two-inches-in contact rule (at least for upper ranks) or controlled full contact.  Was a problem when I went to other schools and realized they don't make contact.  Oops?  Only takes a few times of hitting someone and getting looks before you realize you've broken a taboo.

I'm ready for the week ahead.

I hurt my ankle last weekend, and am hoping to ski again tomorrow - will have to come up with some better-fitting boots, because I was humiliated when my rolling partner grabbed onto my oozing ankle during a pass.  I couldn't find my tape.  Next time - I need to not be too shy to say - don't grab my ankle, you're going to put your hand straight on a sore.  Eep - etiquette 101!

Plan for the week:

Sunday: maybe skiing in the afternoon - but I need to pack to move
Monday: Krav Maga and No-Gi
         Goals for monkrav: focused contact, specific targets, controlled attacks
         Goals for no-gi: sweeps, sweep, sweeps
Tuesday: Karate
          Goals for tueskarate: putting power in techniques, using teacher-voice with kiddlings
Wednesday: Karate
          Goals for wedkarate: putting power in techniques, deeper stances, controlled turns, pick up speed
Thursday: Judo
          Goals for judo: countering throws in standing, fully pulling my throws, sweepssweepsweeps, armbars
Friday: Krav Maga and Open Mat
          Goals for frikrav: focused contact, specific targets, controlled attacks
          Goals for openmat:  sweeps, no-gi takedowns
Saturday: Karate
          Goals for satkarate: faster, more relaxed, more aware

Ongoing goals: 
increasing # of full pushups (no more girl-pushups during warmup!), being more aware of partners and power, reeelaaaxxxing, eating 1hour before training and again 10/15min before training.