The Crash - Hiatus

Monday.

Krav Maga.  Too sick to make it through practice. Went anyway. Survived. Force of will. *flexes muscles*

Was really just so damn tired of being sick - have been sick for a month - that I said - fuck it, I'm going anyway.  So irritated at my freaking body. 

Class - krav, in this case - was good, nausea and exhaustion aside. Elbow strikes, lots of punching, and a front-strangle defense. New instructor, D - he was good. Its nice to switch it up, because everyone teaches a little differently. He liked to switch it up - elbow and six strikes, block, elbow, four strikes, etc. Which was different, and so it was really good. My striking is getting better, I think. Am getting better at striking the krav way - in krav, anyway. Keeping my hands up, mostly. I've been watching, R, the main instructor - he does a lot of straight punches. Not something we do in karate much, but makes more sense in a practical self-defense-style thing. We talk about it in karate, but don't do it much - that if you don't have time/room to fully turn your punch, a short straight punch - from the hips - can be really effective. 

Tuesday.

Karate.  Was an awesome class, actually. I was finally starting to feel healed and energy-filled, and it really came out fantastically well. I love classes like that. I was given a group of lower-ranked students - kids & adults both - to run through combinations and kata. They were bloody fantastic. It was great to see. Sometimes I have trouble keeping folks on task, and getting them to really try - especially kids - but these guys were On Target and it made me so proud! There's this one little girl - maybe ten or eleven, but I'm absolutely horrible at guessing kids ages - she makes me so proud. I can tell how much she practices and how she's picked up even little things about moving correctly that most folks don't catch onto for a long time. And she's just a yellow belt! Was great to be able to tell her how awesome she was looking. And how awesome they all looked. We worked up a sweat too - myself included.  I don't tell folks what to do, I do it with them too. Tuesdays classes aren't usually much of a workout, so its nice when they are.

The end of class we worked on grip breaks. Was fun too. I'm getting better at remembering the combinations.  I don't know why I always have trouble with them, but I have to be reminded which combo does what. I should remember them better.

Wednesday.

More karate. This time with Sensei D., who's finally back from vacation. Another great practice. Felt great to finally feel well again. We worked on a bunch of stuff. A full kata review. He pointed out about my gaze - I tend to focus my eyes (well, unfocus my eyes) somewhere at the floor in front of me. Even if my body is aligned (I'm not physically looking down), I'm looking down. I'd not even noticed I still did that! I have been getting that feedback since I started karate! My senseis used to follow in front of me and make me look them in the eyes as I moved. It is/was the hardest habit to break. I thought I had - I hadn't - I'm still looking down, even when my head is looking straight. Haha. 

We also did some one step sparring. Not point sparring, obviously (we don't really do that), but one attack, one defense practice drills. You can do anything. Was admonished again and again to go for the head. Damn head-hunters. :-)  Not my reflex. But for once he didn't comment that I was moving into my blocks, which used to be my always-always feedback, so improvement there? I've always tended to step into an attack rather than away. I'm sure that says something about my personality.

Thursday.

Judo. And the current source of my frustration.

Same as normal - working grip breaks and entries for throws.  My partner and I both simultaneously entered for osoto. Something went wrong, because he hooked and pulled my leg sideways rather than backwards. I heard and felt the most disgusting popping, cracking feeling in my knee as it bent where it shouldn't have bent... and went down. 

And there ends my fun for the next good while.

Still not sure what exactly is up with my knee - they did an x-ray (which won't show ligament or cartilage damage, but still means nothing awful broke) and told me to come back in a week for an MRI if I still couldn't walk. Really hoping that rest and hopinghard will make me feel better quickly. Fingers crossed. 

Still can't really walk. Or, well, I can walk, if I don't turn and am not going up or down stairs or bending my leg much. It doesn't hurt - it just feels disgusting and unstable - but when I step wrong and it rolls out? Then it hurts. And spasms. And twitches. I didn't know I could twitch. Lovely. Knee, you impress me.

Am frustrated. A bit embarrassed - don't know what I could've done differently, but still find it really embarrassing to injure myself. *headofshame* Makes me feel old and fragile and stupid.

But mostly am just stupid pissed that I have to take an indeterminable rest period. Its not like - oh, I'll be back in a few days/a week/two weeks/a month. I don't know. And that's what frustrates me. 

I'm fine with taking a break to heal. Not happy about it, but I understand it. And I can't do anything about it anyway - I can't even walk, there's no way I could even pretend to be able to do anything fun. I just want to know for how long, and when/how can I come back?