A form of control: not laughing.

Karate is fun.  And often v. funny.

Tuesday started out with just Sensei B and I - for the First Time Ever. No kids: they're all on spring break and off having fun.  So we practiced bunkai (applications) briefly, until some new students walked in.
And so we backed it down (no advanced stuff, frownyface) and practiced basics all class.

Am not sure what we did on Monday that left me with a very sore hip - either was K. whacking the wind out of me in throws, or the kicking? Regardless, my bumhip was - and is - an achey ball of dontscrewwithme.

So the hour and a half of stance-work was a delight of a special kind.  I mean - very good, actually - I always need work on stances. But tiring and long, particularly when you're trying to Set An Example, Dammit. I wonder if the day will ever come when I don't mess up? Bah.  I mean - in general, I'm sure that the new folks can't tell. But I can. Bar ever higher. And I know my instructors can tell - because they're never shy to point out where I'm failing... Yay.

No, really.

But we worked on basics - moving in stance, basic blocks, and the beginner first kata. I really like new students, and these were definitely of the type that learns quickly and practices at home in order to learn more quickly. A mom and her young son. I like teaching, as long as the groups are small and the students want to learn.

On Friday it was Sensei D and I. And a very fun, very productive class. We quickly ran through all the basic techniques; the first time I've been able to see, side by side with another black belt, that my techniques, while far from perfect, are technically correct. Was really nice to see, since I've been working hard to learn to do things Their Way (rather than My Home's Way) - and its been a long time coming.

Then we had some fun.

Balanced boxing mitts on our heads - which was hilarious. Its hard not to laugh when you've got a boxing mitt on your head, and are surrounded by mirrors. But it was also very useful. Went through kata and basics, trying not to let it fall. While trying also to be controlled, fluid, and on target. Woah, talk about illumination!  It really helped me see and feel the ears-over-shoulders-over-hips - and find where I wasn't managing that. And keep that feeling all through class.

The last half of class we worked on drills - a block & counter drill followed by a sweep. And the sweep progressed to a sort of throw. Well, a weird sort of behind-you-in-kiba-leg-bump that is really hard to describe, but I want to try in judo (if its legal).

 Sensei D will be out of town until April, so it'll be much less karate and much more jiujitsu for the next few weeks. Tonight is judo. Can I cross my fingers that I suck a little less than usual tonight?

So. Much. To. Learn.

Krav tonight was good - worked on low punches and front kicks. More of what we've been doing lately, which is cool.  I'm still trying to switch to krav-kicking.  In karate, you avoid any sort of kick which throws off your center of balance - there are several kinds of thrust kicks, though, so at least I have a basis for it. But instead of leaning away and thrusting, krav kicks thrust back and forward at the same time. Its a bit hard to explain, and I've not quite figured it out. Just talking out loud - I've been watching the instructors and trying to mimic them.

The combatives for tonight's krav class: a defense to a choke from behind. I've done it a time or two, so I was pleased that I didn't struggle so much with it. My problem, as normal, was accidentally connecting my knee with  my partners gut. Eeple.  But, in a more practical sense, getting a real clinch and keeping control of their body, as well as being controlled and precise in my targets (so, yeah, I don't knee them in the gut unless I mean to).

Grappling was fun - but then, I do love grappling. I sucked, but I'm going to have to stop saying that, since it isn't likely to change. Throws are so different without a gi. They're a lot harder. More reason to work on sweeps and takedowns? nah... Well, yes. And throws. I'm really not sure, practically, how well throws work in no-gi or practical situations, but I might as well keep them in my repertoire... halfway because they're fun, no matter how useful they are.

We did this really fun throw, though - a sacrifice throw, hooking under the arm like for ippon seonage, but leaning backwards and finally rolling the person across your body by the arm. Will definitely try to play with it later. Maybe he'll show it to us again in Judo. Note to self: ask to have it shown again.

Rolling was no better than normally, though I managed to hold back K's chokes, for once - mostly because she was exhausted and sore from the instructor course last week in krav. Any other day, I'd've been crushed beneath her forearms. Bah. Oh well.

I still hate sucking.

Worked with the instructor for a wee bit, too.  Realized how very long its been since I've worked with any of the instructors.  I'm not sure if they stopped rolling with me or me with them (probably me, feeling like too much crap to volunteer to work with them), but regardless, its been awhile. Its weird - just drives home how far I am from getting anything right - but also how much I really can learn from them.

My little rage-plant.

Last night was the first time I'd ever tapped because I was just too tired to go on with it. I ran out of gas. After ten minutes of a 200lb man crushing my chest (though I'm sure he wasn't putting the kind of weight he'd put on someone else), I was starting to panic from lack of oxygen.  It was the first time I've ever had that.  I've had small moments of panic - when someone's got me in a submission, and I can't tap or speak out, or when someone's choking me and I can't reach to tap. Yeah, that's a little scary - you really hope they let go before you give out.

But this time it was just a progressive lack of oxygen - not a problem for a little while, but all of a sudden I felt claustrophobic, panicking because I can't get out. Ugh.  Weird!  As much as I love rolling with guys - that's what I really hate about it. They're usually SO heavy and SO strong, I feel crushed and powerless. I don't think they even realize how heavy they are, how difficult it is to move or breathe under that. Particularly this guy - he's a former wrestler, and his side control is torture. But it is also something of an excuse: I know I can get out, if I could only figure out a way.

It was not a good class.  I mean, actually, it was a perfectly fine class - but I was complete crap and trainwreck, so I am grumpy about that.  I hate sucking.

Also am grumpy because I had several guys confirm what I already knew: they don't want to roll with me: it isn't a challenge.  And I know that - boy do I know that - already. But its one thing to know it: its another thing to be told it. Feel like the kid that gets picked last for baseball. I don't blame them, but it still really sucks to realize no one wants to play with you. *weeps*

Chances are, it'll be like this for a loong time. It'll be years before my technique is any sort of challenge for BigHulkingMen. I'm small, I'm weak, I'm female, and I didn't grow up wrestling. I'm at a disadvantage. I'm never going to be a real challenge to a guy that can pick me up like I'm nothing, and I'm definitely not now.

Course, that doesn't explain the guy who stopped partnering with me about four months ago. Last night I finally asked him about it, and he admitted it - but still didn't give me any reason for it. His response was, more or less: deal with it. Which was... enough to raise my temper, but not enough for me to express it.

All I can think is: (a) I've said something to make him uncomfortable. Does he think I'm flirting with him/coming onto him, and that makes him uncomfortable? I'm not, but I'm definitely friendly with everyone, and sometimes that can be misunderstood. (b) Some weird sort of guy-girl ManBrain thing that keeps him from wanting to roll with me: not wanting to 'lose' to a girl, not wanting to 'beat' a girl, whatever. Or (c) something about me personally that aggravates him. Maybe I'm spazzy. Maybe I hurt him accidentally & regularly. Maybe something I do frustrates him. Something I'm completely unaware of doing.

It doesn't really matter. Whatever its about, it is his deal, and clearly he doesn't want to do anything about it.      I'm frustrated because it limits my training partners, and means any time we're the last two on the mat, we're not going to roll. But since I can't do anything about it?  I'm trying to just let it roll off me.

For my own notes: we worked on tai-otoshi and mount escapes. I also worked on escapes from side-control.

It sucks - last week's judo class was excellent. I was getting things correct (at least in practice) and it felt wonderful. This class was the opposite. I was weak, I couldn't get anything to work, I was gassing out, and I felt like an idiot and wanted to pull my hair out.

I am really grumpy at the world right now.  I'm not sure if MAs are making me grumpy, or if my general grumpiness is rubbing into MAs, but whatever the case - I've got a seed of rage in my heart and I'm working not to unleash it on my boss, my coworkers, my roommates, and my partners.

No pain.

Had a great class in JiuJitsu tonight. Was a smaller class than the last time - maybe eight folks.

We worked on transitions and submissions - progressively. Started in a mount - practiced hooking and getting weight in the right spot.  Was different than anyone in judo jas done to me - usually a judoka's weight is higher up, on my chest or my shoulders - this position involved weighing on my stomach,. Woah, talk effective - knock the breath out of me.  We then slid to side control from the mount - knee across the belly. I tend to hate having that done to me - folks are heavy! But since this was a slide (no weight), I survived. Hah. From side control we went to a kimura, then armbar, then americana. Really interesting - I though kimura/americana/ude was all the same thing. And it kind of is - reversed versions of each other. Kimura, I guess, means their hands are pointed down to their waist. Americanas are above the head? Same general rotation - painting the ground with their wrist.

What was different between how we're taught in judo: you aren't lifting the elbow for leverage, you're sliding the shoulder. It helps me to do it that way, since I'm so much shorter than my partners - I just don't have the length to lift ANYTHING and keep strength. I tend to need to be close to the ground, and this way lets me be.

Rolling was alright - rolled with a mom and then her daughter - they both take judo with me, and I know them pretty well. They have skills, but lack confidence (don't we all?) so it tends to be a bit of a whatdoIdowhatdoIdo?? roll on their part. And I try not to get everything, and leave myself open to let them do what they know. I know how frustrating it is to not get anything - obviously. With anyone else, I can't. With them, I only can because they've only been there a few months, so I know more, maybe. Though I found out today they have a year of jiujitsu behind them as well, so they SHOULD be able to kick my ass. :)

Talked to the instructor about the no-joint-pain deal. I really hope folks realize I'm not some tough guy, I don't want to be hurt. I just tend not to feel joint locks unless they're Really Right. The folks who really know what they're doing? Can give it to me and have me tap in seconds. I feel it. I just don't tend to feel it if it isn't right.

But yeah - so we were talking that (1) if its right, and I know its right - give it to them (that's been how I try to operate) (2) if they don't have it, and it isn't hurting me, use it as an excuse to wiggle out of it and (3) don't let myself get hurt.

It is an interesting problem to have. I really DON'T want to look like the d**k who is trying to be all ToughGuy on folks, and not tap because they think that makes them look good. I'm not like that - at least I don't think I'm like that. I know personally, that I want to get it right, so I don't want folks tapping until I'm in the right spot. I want to tap when they get it right... but not when they get it wrong. Ugh. Work on it.

They're little adults?

Tuesdays are not my favorite training days. 

I go because its better than not going, but I seldom get a lot out of it. I am often the only adult, and always the only black belt besides the instructor. Which isn't that I can't learn alongside lower ranks, or children - but that I often end up assisting. Which is fine - part of karate is passing on what you learn and helping others figure it out. But I don't often work on anything new, and we often do the same things. Kata. Breaks. Occasionally drills. And I'm usually partnered in these drills with a child - by default - which is a lesson in itself: how not to hurt them.

Today we started with a bunch of punching drills.  And to be honest - I can sit in a wide squat (kiba) for a long time - but by the end of it my legs were trembling. I have too much pride to lessen up my stances as we go on, but Hah! it was funny to find my tremble point again. We ran through the first few kata, and then the instructor and I briefly ran through two more advanced kata alone, before I took a few of the kids to work on the kata they were learning. They did really well, I was impressed. Its cool to see improvement, and to try to help them figure out how to do things different and better. I'm still trying to learn how to explain things to kids. I tend to teach kids the same way I teach adults, and I'm not sure I should be?

We came back together and did 'basic breaks.' I am almost always partnered with a maybe-ten-yr-old brown belt boy. He is fast, and he knows the movements, but he doesn't have much focus (he's a kid, though  - what do I expect?).  I try to rein in his energy some, but since the instructor is his dad, I mostly let him handle it. So we worked on basic breaks, and then a bit of that same drill we've been doing for a few weeks.   Countering with a sweep-punch.  Did figure out a bit about the timing of the combination (short pause between block and counter).

Tomorrow is JiuJitsu. Can I say: I really hope we work on mounts?

Is there another way to say 'mounted'?

Krav was fierce. 

I have to say that, in general, I prefer to be partnered with (a) men or (b) women who are more skilled than I. Mostly because they'll match my intensity.Meh. I like to go hard - I come to work. Unfortunately, men have to pull back their strength when playing with me, but I have to pull back my own strength and intensity when working with women. It is... bizarre. I'm not used to having to do that!  But particularly folks - men or women, but especially women - who are new to any sort of martial art - they're liable to be timid, scared easily, and hurt easily.

So I was grateful to be partnered with a guy for the first part of class. He was new to martial arts, and so pretty timid (particularly about Grabbing A Woman) - but he was definitely strong and tough, which is a good thing. We worked on high blocks first, then the same elbow strike we worked on last week. I was happy that the changes I'd made to my left-side elbow-strike improved things. Since they were my goals this week, I focused on precision & control. With mixed results, but improvement, at least! We ended up working up to a combo - which is new. We don't tend to combo things up too much in krav. But was high-block, two punches, elbow strike[, clinch, combatives].

The drill this week was one we've done before - defense to a forward collargrab/choke. This part of class, I was partnered with a small, older woman. I was especially conscious of my size & strength! Precision & control were my default watchwords. Really helpful! When you are trying not to just barrel through folks, you have to be controlled & precise.  She though - she has some power & precision, age and fragility aside! She was kicking all up the inside of my thighs (rather than actually hitting my groin with that kind of force) - was pretty neat.

By the end of class, I could hardly do the final combatives/punching drill. Bah. That doesn't happen to me often! But then, I push myself harder (because I can) when I'm partnered with men, so the first half of class was all kinds of SarahGoGoGo.

No-Gi was cancelled.

Big frowny-face. But since I'll be able to do jiujitsu on Wednesday, I guess I can't really whinge too bad. Though no-gi is a lot of fun... mostly because I'm at slightly less disadvantage, because folks can't grab and hold my gi with their Awesome Strength, so I'm able to slide out of things a lot more easily. I get trapped a lot less.

I really hope we work on mount escapes. In Judo or JiuJitsu. Sometimes in judo, they ask us if there's anything in particular we want to work on. I definitely need to work on them. Whenever I'm stuck in that position (I really have trouble using the word mounted), all I can remember is bridge and roll, which never seems to work. Though now I'm remembering something one of the wrestling guys was teaching me, using the same torque as shrimping. Hum. Was that from under the mount? It doesn't seem to make sense (whenever I turn in a mount, I end up with some guy on my back - invariably choking me) - but there has to be more than depending on your ability to bridge with someone on your hips/stomach/chest.

I suck, but I know I suck?

I'm fairly sure that my Shihan doesn't realize that I've been at the littledojo since I left. Sweet! Am also fairly sure that he notices improvement, which is also sweeet. Hell, I can notice improvement [thankyoukravthankyoujudothankyousenseidave] and it feels really cool to be in class without all the cantdoanythingright nerves. He was very keen on Welcoming me Back, which was cool. They also asked me to start helping with the kids classes on Saturday mornings.Which is a cool idea... except I don't know the first thing about kids or showing them what to do. My Tuesday class is mostly kids, so I'm getting better with them, by default and because the Sensei makes me - but kids are scary things!

Haven't written in a few days because I've been moving houses. Which is pretty awesome - I love my hew place. Cozy bedroom, bright happy rooms, basement with room to practice - I think this could suit me very well.

So, to catch up:

JiuJitsu was awesome. 

My first class with these folks, and it was just as I'd read. Which I found hilarious - I'm all about the BJJ blogs, so it ended up being pretty much exactly as I'd expected. Nice to know BJJ is about the same wherever you are. I liked that.

We started off doing something like a thousand variations of crunches. Lovely. Despite being a woman, I have very little abdominal strength. Any workout using my stomach is hardhardHARD for me. So the hundred or so crunches of different types was, well - fun. Did you know there are exercises to build neck strength? I had no idea, until we did them, and I started to wonder how my neck is supporting my head, its so weak.

After the absurd warm-up we worked on drills.

This is what I was looking forward to. Working the same thing over and over again to get it down.

We worked on something called [I think] a tailbone-knee escape. Or something like that. Basically, knee to tailbone, base wide, weight on their hips, opposite leg sliding over for side control. And then a variation where you 'stack' them (not going to comment on whether I'll ever be strong enough to stack a resisting partner), shift them, and then let them roll off your shoulder for side control again. 

It was excellent. I really appreciated the drilling - in Judo, we often work things only briefly, and so I never feel like I really get anything down. And the escape really might work for me. At the least, I used what they'd shown me about keeping my weight on my partners hips to limit their ability to shift in Judo on Thursday.  With not wonderful results, but it was something to try.

I went home, though, fairly disheartened and frustrated - realizing that I suck. And all the ways and means that I suck. How very frustrating it is to never get anything right. Had a good long girly weeping pity-party because I get my ass kicked every day and it is frustrating and embarrassing. 

I went to judo fully expecting to cry in class.

Which would've been a first. My judo teacher was astute and aware enough to notice, on Thursday, that I'm reaching my breaking point with frustration. Not that I would quit - quitting something because you're crap doesn't make any sense - but just that I'm boiling with frustration because I only get things right once a blue moon. We had a nice little conversation about it - and so, while I don't feel any less crap or as if I'm improving any faster - I feel less upset about it.

I have very cool instructors.

Thursday's Judo class was Full Of Win. My partner was excellent - we were very well matched. Well, meaning he was considerably better than I am, but we made a really good team. We worked on a variation on Ippon Seoi Nage - instead of hooking around the gripped sleeve, you're hooking via the lapel. It was different. We drilled it over and over again, my partner and I. Adding variations to make it a drop throw, adding increasing speed and resistance, transitioning from the throw to an armbar or choke. It was a lot of fun, besides being really usefuleducational. It makes a huge difference, to have a good partner who you're well matched to.

In randori, he worked on getting me in an ude/americana, and I worked on not letting him. And I failed: again and again and again. But maybe I failed less quickly than I might otherwise do. I dunno. Another education in how important it is to keep my arms in. And how much I want someone to drill with me on escapes from the mount. Because I feel like once I'm mounted, I'm stuck, I'm in their control, and it sucks. Personally, I want them in my guard, or I want to be in their guard - just because I know more of what to do then. But mount - ugh, that sucks. Never let them get your arms, never let them get a mount.

Karate is definitely on the up.

On Friday, we worked on some kata, and then the same drill we'd done on Saturday. I'm trying to focus on relaxing, so that I can react better. Also working on some small things about stances - trying to get a comfortable high stance, and better hand placement - for free-fighting.

Saturday was a lot of fun. Worked on kata, and was pleased to have no trouble with their versions of them. Win! I was able to work with one of the purple belts on his kata before class: I didn't remember which was was their way and which was was mine, so when he asked a question, I said: I'm not sure, look at how Shihan does it. Was pleased to have him say the same thing in class: if you don't know, send them to me. Hopefully he realizes I don't want to teach anyone my own (well, my home-school) way.

Was partnered with a blackbelt woman and, again, we were well matched. Well, yeah, meaning she is better than I, but we made a good team. We're both fans of sweeps... which has something to do with why my ankles are swollen with bruises. Still, it was a great give and take - trading what worked and what didn't, and having a great time at it. Am trying to place closer attention to where I'm keeping my guard - get better at protecting my head.

Next week: Goals

Monday: 
         Krav: Control & Precision
         No-Gi: Cancelled. Indefinitely?
Tuesday:
         Karate: Stances. Hands.
Wednesday:
         JiuJitsu: Take it in stride?
Thursday:
         Judo: Mount escapes, if possible. Arms in. Drop throws.
Friday: 
         Karate: Stances. Power. Kaari.
Saturday: 
         Karate: Relaxation.