Mumpy moany whinge.

I’m sickymumpymopey. Well, am generally grumpy right now. Am fairly pathetic when I’m sick, because I get mad when The Lurgy keeps me from doing the fun things I want to do.  And so have loud, protracted and useless whingey rants at the world and hope that fixes things.

So far, no luck.

Been awhile since I wrote, so I'm not gonna do the blow-by-blow. Just want to write what I've picked up on. Ya know, for later, when I forget all of this. Given the putty-like state of my brain right now, that will be very soonly.

Karate: Adaptation is hard, but the more I try it the quicker it comes. 

Tuesday we worked on Actually Hitting Things. A nice change. ;-) No, but really: pad work. Was good to use the standing bags and be able-allowed to put my power behind it. Hitting fer realz. Was thinking bout adaptation because something simple, like being asked to kick a side-thrust from kiba [sideways stance], rather than fighting[forward]-stance - really threw me. Was harder than I thought it should be to do the same kick from a different stance. A good ten tries later, it clicked - but just realized that when we get set into one way of doing things, it can be stupidly hard to stretch outside that. I even caught myself thinking: why would I want to kick from kiba!? But kiba is really just a sideways facing stance. And realistically, I should be able to throw a side-thrust kick to an opponent to either side of me as easily - or more easily - than one in front of me. Right? Should. Yes.

Jiujitsu is a special kind of challenge.

Wednesday was an escape/transition drill - mount to guard to side control. Wish my brain were still functioning enough to remember. Damn cold-meds. I want to say it was: trap & roll [mount], elbow (knee-tailbone) escape [guard], to side-control transition [back to mount]. I can remember everything except the transition from side-control to mount.   All I remember is tucking their head between your armpit and knee, turning as for kesa... and then - somehow - making it around to the mount. Eeple... steps missing! I really wish I could draw.

Things to remember: when popping out of guard, turning my hips into their ankles, pushing out, not down, and popping my hip again (particularly with long-leggers) helps break their guard. When Passing the guard to side control, tucking one knee up under their armpit gives a lot more control - one at the shoulder, the other at the hips. Five points of control. 

I really like these drills - they really help me, for one, to learn What To Do When. To suddenly have Options, and to remember what to do, or what I have done, or what might work, or what else I could try. One day I might actually be able to make the drills work for me in free-rolling. Kinda sucks, though, when you're partnered with folks that know exactly what you're gonna do before you do it... ;-)

I skipped judo on Thursday. First time in awhile I have. Went home early from work and slept all afternoon and all night through, blitzed out on nyquil. Feel like I'm never going to be over this flu! Was really hard not to go to judo, though. Got up and had one very fierce debate with myself about whether I was well enough to go. Decided I wasn't. What with being unable to stand upright or walk without weaving. But it was a near thing - was v. impressed with myself for not going, actually, because normally I'd be all: its only once a week, I can't miss! And talk myself into it. But I can't really imagine how I'd've made it through on Thursday.

I was also legit too sick to go to jiujitsu on Friday too, but I'd had such a crappy day at work I felt compelled to go pretend to rip some arms off. Regardless of how I felt. So I was willing to go anyway. And actually managed the class fine, even if-though I felt like hacking out my lungs, I managed not to. It was the free-rolling that killed me.

We worked more drills: Mount to armbar, armbar switches, and mount escapes. Damn, my brain is really little more than mushy sloopy wet-newspaper right now. Err-cause? I can't remember what I did just last night. Excuse me while I bang it loose against the wall...  I really have no idea how that arm-bar happens. Maybe it'll come back to me. Maybe not. I'm addlepated and brainbroken right now.

Mostly I remember not being able to breathe with J. on top of me in free-rolling. I need to get a handle on this! I know, practically, that it is because I'm congested and having trouble breathing normally, let alone with someone actively trying to crush me - but its leading me to panic and want to quit. I've not felt this way before, period. I mean, yeah, I've felt trapped underneath someone, but never panicked, never felt like I couldn't get enough air. But this week, and then two weeks ago [right when I started to get sick] - both times with J. - I had to tap out because I was absolutely panicking. I couldn't breathe. It felt miserable and horrible and terrifying. Tried to tell myself that I could actually breathe - but those short, shallow breaths just weren't doing it for me. Its scary, and frustrating, because it makes me feel weak and girly. Bah. Its enough to make me afraid to roll with J., because its happened both times with him, because he just CRUSHES you. I mean, I'm not used to being afraid in class, so I'm completely horrified that I am feeling this way. That I really didn't want to play anymore last night. BahgahPAH.  Really really hope this is just because I'm ill (which makes practical sense) and not a sign of some new trend to come. Because I really can't handle this if I start panicking with someone on top of me. What the actual fuck?

Intend to spend the weekend sleeping and resting and healing to be ready to play on Monday, panic aside and breath returned to normal. *sign of the cross, voodoo hexes, whatever works*